I really did. I wish I were joking.
Here’s an Instagram post dated August of 2013 for all of you skeptics out there.
My search rendered ZERO helpful results. The only thing more discouraging than the lack of useful information was realizing I’d just made the most absurdly bizarre attempt at self-help. Take a moment to really think about this… My adult self navigated a thought process that somehow led me to the conclusion that I could actually Google a magical cure for my awkwardness. My adult self — with my fully developed brain — concluded that this was a reasonable solution.
I stared defeatedly at my phone before pointlessly slamming it face down into my mattress. Google and the people of the internet failed to meet my needs. I’d clearly done something in a previous life that resulted in me being sentenced to an eternity of painfully awkward interactions and ridiculous occurrences that would continue to disrupt my life. Neat.
In the 1960’s, a psychiatrist named Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (who had an arguably creepy set of interests) developed a model outlining the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I’m convinced I went through each and every one of these stages in the 30 minutes following my failed attempt at Googling my awkwardness away. I spent half of an hour free-falling into a state of pure psychological mayhem.
It was exhausting.
Fortunately for me (and for everyone around me), I’ve learned that other people are just as weird as I am. I’ve also learned that things are only awkward if nobody addresses the elephant in the room. I think that’s why I started this blog. People are weird, elephants are everywhere, life is ridiculous, and I intend to talk about all of it right here.